Hetatheresia: Dear Gilbert
by SunflowerKolKolKol
Summary: After a battle between two countries leaves a city in shambles, Gilbert, a mercenary trained from birth to kill, discovers an orphaned child in enemy territory and decides to raise him. But can their twisted version of family survive biological warfare? Based on the game theresia: Dear Emile.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Alright, so... I've decided to try something else besides humor. I was playing this game a few weeks ago called "theresia: Dear Emile", and it was... Well... It sort of gave me nightmares. I couldn't help but think that it would be good to base this off of... So, yeah. This is a fic based on the game Theresia, just because. I may do the rest of the chapters differently, or I may alternate between different character's points of view, but I don't know yet. Since this might get a bit gruesome the further into it it gets, I'll try to put warnings at the beginning of each chapter. Also, the events of this fic may not exactly follow the story line of Theresia exactly... But it should be quite close. Unless I get soft and decide to change a few things. And this is only the prologue, I'll try to make the next chapter longer. Also, feel free to correct me on any spelling or grammatical errors, I don't mind at all. ANYWAYS. I'll end this here, before it gets too long. :D**

**WARNINGS: Some violence, mentions of torture, blood, mentions of war... I think that's it for this one.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, and I don't own Theresia. They're not mine... And stuff.**

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**Prologue: I can still remember that day**

"Stop crying, child."

_Skin pale as alabaster..._

"Child... You are now..."

_Those blood red eyes..._

"Child... My brother."

_Hair as white as clean, new snow..._

I was born into a country ravaged by a fierce and ongoing war. The fighting was violent and bloody, and not even civilians were shown mercy. To this day I do not know the cause or details of the conflict between those two countries, as I had never even thought to ask. Not even as a small child, when I began to ask question after question (as most young children do), did I ask the reason for the terrible and destructive war. However, I do know that many lives were lost, many homes destroyed, and many families were torn apart before all was said and done. After all, my family was one of those that were fatally affected...

A battle between the two opposing forces broke out in the city in which I lived when I was barely a year old, before I had even learned things as simple as talking and walking... Tiny, defenseless, weak, helpless... And left alone to die in the pile of rubble that was once my home, along with the corpses of my ill fated parents. I don't remember anything before that time, there, in the ruins of that house. My first memory was of the smell of blood and smoke, the sounds of explosions and agonized screams... And the thick darkness that surrounded me like a blanket of ink.

And then... And then someone grabbed hold of my leg, and pulled. Suddenly, there was light. It was everywhere, everything was so bright! It was absolutely blinding, and completely shocking. Slowly, very slowly, my eyes adjusted to this new sensation... And I saw color. My field of vision was filled with blotches of bright white and piercing red. As my eyes adjusted more, I realized that the shapeless colors did have a shape after all... The shape of a young man. His skin and hair were almost the same pale white, and his eyes matched the color of the dark blood that covered most of his skin and clothes. I remember it all in clear, sharp detail... The smell of blood... The sound of people screaming... And that face... The face of my brother.

He simply stood there, holding me by the leg, staring at me with an almost completely blank expression, as if examining the worth of his new find, rather than contemplating the fate of a helpless child. After a short while of this he apparently reached his decision, turned me upright, cradled me to his chest, and began to walk. Not once did his face betray emotion besides the faintest hint of curiosity. Remembering that day, all these years later, I realize... My life was saved by the whim of a man who could barely pass as human. He may have been cold... But he saved me. Just a baby, still in diapers... I shouldn't have been able to remember such a thing. And yet, to this very moment, I can remember that day perfectly...

That was the day I was born.

* * *

That young man... He was... He was my mother, my father, my savior, my protector, my... My brother. My brother, the head of the torture division for a mercenary unit, from the enemy nation... Gilbert Beilschmidt. My brother...

The city in which I lived had lost the battle into which I was "born" and was under enemy control from then on. My brotherbelonged to the mercenary unit that had jurisdiction over the city. The mercenaries had taught my brother the ways of torture his whole life, from the day he could walk until the day he became skilled enough to torture and torment on his own. He had no friends, no family... All that he ever did, all day... Was hurt people, physically, mentally, and emotionally. That was the only life my brother, Gilbert, had ever known. He was never shown care, never coddled when he cried, never held, never sang to, never loved...

Because of this, my brother never learned to feel pain or guilt when he hurt others. Instead, he felt joy at the sight of his victim's blood welling from a particularly deep gash, happiness from the sound of pained screams as they begged for mercy from one who knew not what mercy was, and lovingly watched as their blood pooled around their still, cold form. It seemed that he was only truly content when inflicting torment on others... He was, and always had been, completely cold-blooded and devoid of "normal" human emotions. So much so, in fact, that people began to call him "the Devil". So when the news spread that the Devil had brought back a child, everyone was shocked.

"That _monster _adopted a child...?"

"Has he finally lost his mind? It was only a matter of time, you know..."

"As if such a _creature _could have paternal instincts... He shouldn't even be allowed near children."

My brother carried me from the battlefield that was once my hometown to the church at the edge of the near-ruined city, and officially made me his son... His son, yes... But to me... He would always be my "big brother", as he insisted I call him. I can still remember the church. It stood in the middle of a massive field, watched over by a quiet, somewhat nervous priest with shoulder-length brown hair and kind, green eyes. He didn't say anything at first, just looked at us sadly with those compassionate emeralds of his.

"Please... Give the child a name. And please say a prayer... Pray for the child's divine protection..."

It was so, so warm... So warm in the arms of my beloved brotheras we stood there, him holding me against his chest, hands working the knots out of my light hair absentmindedly. And as he stood there, holding me like that, I noticed an odd smell that seemed to seep out of his every pore... Years later, I would be able to put a name to that strange, discomforting smell... Blood. My brother, the mercenary, who smelled of blood and death and never smiled. After a little while, my brotherlooked at the fidgety priest and spoke in a scratchy voice that sounded as if it were seldom used. He had finally decided on my name...

"... Ludwig."

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**Edit: Replaced "bruder" with "brother", fixed a few other things.**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Alright, I've decided on how I'm going to do this. The first half of each chapter will be a diary entry type of thing from Ludwig's point of view, and the second half I'll just write like I normally do. I'm aware that some (if not all) of the characters maybe be sort of OOC, but it would be kind of hard to make them IC in this fic, with what I have planned and all... I might attempt to make them a bit more IC in later chapters, if possible. I'm not sure how long this will end up being... But for those of you who don't know the plot of Theresia: Dear Emile... It gets kind of dark, very violent, and maybe a little disturbing as the story progresses. While this fic may not follow exactly with the story line of that game, it's still going to get pretty depressing. Well, here's the first chapter. The word count is 2,600 words or so, so it's much longer than the prologue. I hope you enjoy it. :D**

**Warnings: Mentions of torture, more blood (briefly).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, or Theresia...**

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**Chapter 1: Love is Such a Vulgar Word**

The church had a basement, I discovered from listening to the adults converse. It was built a very long time ago, before even the priest was born, as a prison for sinners. A dark, light-less place in which people would pray for forgiveness. It was so much more than a place to pay for your crimes; it was a place to pray. A place of atonement. Some sinners even went there of their own free will... They would come to the church every day and pray for forgiveness in the dark cells deep under the stone floors of the church. Even though the subterranean prison was rank with the smell of blood, to the sinners, it was sanctuary. The dark, rust-colored walls comforted them, and the coppery smell put them at ease. But time passed. Eventually war came to our country, and the church fell under enemy control... The basement prison had become a military base, and its purpose had changed. As I was left to live live in the church, my brother took his station in the basement, torturing enemy captives to his heart's content.

My brother lived and worked as a torturer in the new underground base beneath the church. Whenever my brother had time off from work in the underground base, he would come to visit me at the church. He would pick me up and carry me to the large alter that stood on the far side of the main room. There he would stand, with me in his arms, and sing to me a strange lullaby in a language I did not understand, softly petting my hair until I fell asleep. Anyone who happened to witness this scene was likely to believe that my brother thought of me more as a pet, or a toy, than a son... But I knew better. My brother cared for me, he loved me. Even though he never smiled, even though he never talked much, even though I had never once heard him tell me so... I knew that my brother loved me.

And, as always, that smell... That smell of fresh blood and death would follow my brother up from the depths of that basement. Soon, I too, would smell of blood I knew. But I didn't mind in the least. It was a smell that I associated with my brother, and was therefore very comforting to me. It made me feel safe, as did everything I related to my brother, like the red flowers that seemed to grow almost overnight in the fields surrounding the church, or the bright lights that filtered down from the ceiling through the stained glass window there, and that scratchy voice that sang to me in unintelligible words, a lullaby so soothing...

Yes. As I grew older, slowly mastering speaking and walking, these things comforted me.

* * *

The soft thuds of tiny footfall seemed to echo in Ludwig's ears as he ran down the long hall, on his way to the main room of the church to play amongst the rows of wooden pews. He didn't have any toys, nor did anyone else who lived there, and he wasn't allowed to leave the church, so most of the time he just had to make use of his imagination to keep himself entertained. Now, he was planning on doing just that, but... Ludwig stopped short of the doorway that lead to the main room. The priest was in there... He seemed to be talking to one of the friars about something, and Ludwig could just hear the conversation from his place by the doorway. Should he listen...? Well, he definitely couldn't go into the large room... His brother didn't seem to like it very much when Ludwig talked to people, even those from the church. On the other hand, he had been told many times by Father Toris (as he learned was the name of the priest who looked after the church), that eavesdropping was bad... But... His curiosity got the better of him most days anyways, and he'd much rather anger the kind priest than his dear brother. He leaned closer to the doorway to more clearly catch the words of their conversation.

"It really is quite a shame..." The voice was familiar to Ludwig's ears. _This must be Father Toris speaking_, he thought briefly before returning his attention to the conversation.

"I must say that I agree, Father... Such terrible things going on under the church... It's just not right. Those rooms were not intended to be used the way those soldiers are using them." The second voice seemed to sigh. The voice of the friar... Ludwig peeked around the corner in time to see the friar shake his head sadly. There were many friars that resided in the church, Ludwig had trouble remembering their names since he didn't really speak with them, but... He was almost sure this man's name was Kiku. He could remember the name because of the friar's strange accent.

"There is really nothing that can be done for it... It would be wrong of us to drive them away, especially with violence. They must be allowed use of the basement prison..." There was a short pause, and then Father Toris continued. "They will one day have to pay for their sins... After this terrible war has come to an end, they will leave us. We must simply be patient."

_Basement...?_

"Yes, I suppose you're right, Father, but... How are we supposed to sleep soundly, knowing what is going on down there, right beneath our very feet...?"

_Brother works in the basement... _

"It is something that we must endure... A test of sorts, you could say."

_Brother visits me... From the basement, where he lives... Why can't I visit brother...?_

"But the screams... Those terrible screams... That _man_..."

Ludwig heard no more of the conversation. Quietly, he turned and walked back along the long hall, deep in four-year-old thought. His brother hadn't been to visit him in a few days, and he missed him greatly. The door that his brother always left through whenever he had to go back to work... Did it lead to the basement? And what did they mean by "terrible things"? Was he allowed to go into the basement? No one had ever told him he couldn't go down there... Would he get into trouble? What was down there that was so upsetting to the preist and friar? Did it smell like his brother down there? The questions burned their way through Ludwig's young mind, and it didn't take long to decide... He had to see for himself.

He turned once again and walked back to the main room. Upon walking though the doorway, he noticed that the friar was no longer present, but the priest still stood near the alter with a look of deep concentration upon his face. He heard Ludwig enter the room, and looked up to see who it was who had entered, but he gave no indication that he knew of Ludwig's earlier eavesdropping. Even if he knew, Ludwig doubted he would say so. The priest was a kind, if somewhat nervous, man. And although the Father was the one who had taken care of Ludwig's needs, before Ludwig could even walk, when his brother was working and couldn't do so, they rarely spoke to one another. So Ludwig ignored the priest as he walked across the large room, to the hallway on the other side. This hallway wasn't as long as the other, and it ended in a door at the far side. The door his brother disappeared into whenever he had to work... He had never really been so close to it. It was made of a dark wood, and had this odd foreboding sensation about it. Steeling his suddenly active nerves, he grabbed the handle and turned, pulling the door open slowly and staring... Down. There was a narrow, stone staircase behind the door, and it was very dark. Letting go of the doorknob, he took his first tentative step down, squinting to better see in the almost complete absence of light. But he didn't get very far...

As Ludwig's small foot lightly touched the seventh step down, the shrill scream of a woman split the silence, causing Ludwig to flinch in surprise. The sudden movement disruppted what little balance his four-year-old legs had learned, and he began to fall backwards. Everything seemed to slow down, and the young boy braced himself for pain. He'd fallen enough to know how much it hurt... Any moment now, his head would hit the stairs a few steps up, and a sickening crack would echo off of the walls of the dark passageway, Ludwig would-... But the impact never came, as Ludwig found himself caught in midair by strong arms, just inches above the step that would have cracked his skull open. He looked up... Into the blank face of his brother. Into deep red eyes that seemed to pierce his very soul. Without the slightest hesitation, Gilbert set Ludwig back on his feet, grabbed him none to gently by the arm, and practically pulled him back up to the safety of the church. When they reached the top step, Gilbert lifted Ludwig up and held him tightly, stepping up into the church and closing the door. Ludwig's mind was racing. Was he in trouble? Would his brother be angry with him?

Gilbert said nothing to confirm or dispel Ludwig's worry, and his face remained as impassive as ever as he carried the small boy to the alter in the now-empty room. He stopped there, and simply stared at the stained glass of the windows, seeming to forget the child he held for a moment. His face shifted a bit, for once, and he looked at Ludwig, not saying a word... Ludwig couldn't place this expression. There was no smile, not even a slight twitch of the mouth, but... His brother looked... Kind. It was something in his eyes, he thought. After a long while, Gilbert finally spoke, putting to use that oddly pleasant, scratchy voice of his.

"You're interested in my work." It wasn't a question, but his brother continued to stare at him expectantly, as if waiting for a reply. Ludwig grew a bit uncomfortable under that stare, and finally spoke.

"Yes...? I..." Ludwig's words trailed off as he thought. Was this an invitation to ask questions? Would his brother mind if he asked about his job? It was worth a try. After all, Gilbert wouldn't answer if he didn't want Ludwig to know. Summoning his courage, he continued. "What is your job, brother? What do you do down there for so long?"

Gilbert looked back to the windows, tilting his head a bit. "What I do...? It's art, little Ludwig, simply art. I'm an artist of the most interesting kind... I interrogate. I am a torturer." He said in what sounded to Ludwig like a loving tone of voice. But...

"What's a 'torturer'...?" The small boy asked, his brow scrunching up in confusion over a word that his young mind couldn't place a meaning to.

Gilbert didn't hesitate in his answer this time, eager to explain the beauty of his occupation to to the boy in his arms. "I hurt people, Ludwig. I make them talk, make them tell me what I need to know. Things that need to be said... I make them tell me. I show them that they need to say such important things, not keep them hidden. Because I care, you know... I make them happy, they need to talk to be happy, and I show them how much I care through physical sensation... And sometimes I take them away from this world, I free them..." He let his words trail off, staring intently at the windows, as if seeing his victims there, in complete, beautiful agony.

Ludwig didn't respond. He didn't completely understand what Gilbert was saying, but he didn't mind at all. He had never heard his brother talk so much... His ragged voice was so soothing, and he practically basked in the sound. Ludwig rested his head on Gilbert's chest with a content sigh, and began pinching the fabric of his shirt, making it crease where the blood had soaked it. Ludwig no longer minded the blood that almost constantly stained his brother, nor did he mind the smell of the slippery, red substance. That smell, and the red color, would lull him to sleep on many nights. It was his brother'ssmell, and he cherished both it, and the sense of safety it brought him. As he relaxed against Gilbert's chest, he felt movement. Gilbert walked over to one of the pews, and sat down, setting Ludwig in his lap. He cradled the small boy to his chest and stroked his hair softly as he began to sing that strange song.

Ludwig felt his eyelids droop at the sound of the soft singing. The soothing sound of his brother_'s_ voice... For years he had heard people talking, about his brother and the pet child he'd brought home from the battlefield. Everyday they gossiped among themselves, spitting harsh words and anxious worries. Their hateful comments didn't seem to faze Gilbert, but they were very hurtful to Ludwig. How dare they say that his beloved brother would hurt him? His brother wasn't a monster... His brother loved him, he cared... Right? Surely, he... He had to... But Ludwig wasn't so sure...

"Brother...?" He murmured from his place on Gilbert's lap. His brother didn't answer him, only shifted his gaze from the windows to Ludwig's small, worried face... So Ludwig continued. "Do you love me, brother...?"

Gilbert's mouth turned down in a frown the slightest bit, and he blinked a few times. "... Love? Why would you say that?" Gilbert asked in a low voice, and grimaced slightly. "Love is a vulgar word..." He said, returning his gaze to the windows, his face once again becoming unreadable. Ludwig thought about those words... Love? Vulgar? But how could it be vulgar...? Love is such a beautiful emotion... How could it be associated with a word such as "vulgar"?

But then, his thoughts were interrupted as Gilbert looked back to him from the windows that seemed to captivate him so much, and spoke. "You... You are only to talk to me. Do you understand, Ludwig? Because you are _my _son... This bond is only for us. Only me... I forbid you to talk to anyone else." His voice, while not stern, seemed to carry a thinly veiled threat.

"... Yes, brother. I understand." Ludwig agreed immediately. After all, Gilbert was everything to him... As long as he had his brother he didn't need anyone else. As long as brother was happy... He could live with that. He wrapped his arms tightly around the silver-haired man who he cared so deeply for. "I love you, brother..." He mumbled sleepily, eyes sliding closed.

Gilbert kissed Ludwig's head and nodded. "I know you do, I know..." He said, looking to the ceiling to hide the slight smirk from Ludwig's view. "Only for me and you, Ludwig... Always." He mumbled under his breath as he heard Ludwig's breathing even out and relax as he fell asleep. Gilbert looked back to the windows once again, but he didn't see the stained glass at all... No. It was something completely different that held his attention so raptly... Those bright red flowers that covered the field... Oh, how beautiful they were, that lovely red hue that looked so much like... Like blood. And in that moment, unbeknownst to the child sleeping soundly on his lap, his mouth twitched into the unfamiliar shape of a small smile.

"So beautiful."

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**Edit: Replaced "bruder" with "brother", fixed a few typos.**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, I apologize in advance for this chapter being so short. Since the story is just starting out, not much is going on just yet, and there's not much to write about. The next chapter should be much longer, as it introduces an important character into the story. You could say that they're sort of a romantic interest of Ludwig... But don't worry, this fic isn't going to turn into a mushy romance type of thing, it's still going to be the disturbing thing that I intended when I started writing the prologue. There should be about 20 chapters or so by the time I'm finished, maybe a bit more, maybe a bit less. After this update, the updates to this fic will probably slow down a bit, but I'm still going to try to update at least once or twice a week. Also, beware of typos, I wrote this while half-asleep... Well, here's the next chapter, enjoy. :D**

**Warnings: More blood. ( Surprise! :D )**

**Disclaimer: Neither Hetalia, nor Theresia, belong to me...**

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**Chapter 2: A Gift from my Brother**

As I matured, brother insisted that I wasn't to leave his side while he visited. Every waking moment I would spend with him whenever he had time off from his job. He was always there when I fell asleep, and his strange eyes were always my first sight upon waking. I sometimes wondered if he ever even slept... Maybe he slept while I myself was dreaming, or he may have only slept while he was underground, beneath the church... But never do I recall seeing him sleep. His desire to spend time with me must have been very great for him to sleep so little, if at all...I wasn't allowed outside the confines of the church walls. I was only to speak to brother, no one else, and I had been told so, many times. Of course, I was curious as to why, and like most children do, I asked questions.

"Brother, why can't I talk to anyone here? They seem so nice..."

_Because y__ou are _my_ son..._

"May I speak with others when I'm older...?"

_No... Only me and you, Ludwig... Forever._

"The other children have friends, brother... May I have friends?"

_This bond is only for you and me. Just us, little one..._

When brother held me, as he frequently would, I could smell that coppery tang of blood all over him. That smell, while so soothing to me, was also very frightening. It's hard to explain the effect that that smell had on my emotions with any other word besides "conflicting". The emotions that smell would conjure ranged from contentment to terror... But it was still the smell of my brother, and I cherished everything about him, even the way he kept me from others. I would listen, captivated, as he would speak so sternly to me, telling me to avoid contact with others... And after a while, I stopped asking questions, and simply obeyed the strict instructions I was given, with no other explanation besides "Because you are my son"...

_You are not to speak with anyone but me, Ludwig..._

_You will not leave your room when you are alone..._

_You must keep your door locked if I am not present..._

_...Because you are _my _son._

_Just us..._

And once he had made me promise, he gave me a key.

* * *

When Ludwig awoke, he found himself no longer in the chapel, but in his own bed. He blinked his eyes in sleepy confusion. How did he get there? He had been sitting on his brother's lap on one of the many pews, he didn't remember falling asleep... Did his brother carry him here? Surely he wouldn't have already gone back to work already... Ludwig opened his eyes a bit more and looked around the small room. It didn't take him long to spot the shock of white hair next to the door. Gilbert stood with his back turned to Ludwig, facing the shelf that stood next to the door, his head tilted to the side slightly. Ludwig thought that Gilbert must be looking at the few possessions that Ludwig had accumulated and arranged not so neatly on the tiny shelf. Among these were a few bits of wood that Ludwig had attempted to carve into different shapes with a knife from the kitchens, one of which Gilbert now held in his palm. Ludwig watched as Gilbert studied what was supposed to be a wooden rabbit with faint curiosity before setting it carefully back in it's place, as if it might break in his hands. Gilbert then turned his attention to the stack of books on the far end of the shelf, sorting through them one by one, until one book in particular caught his interest, and he picked it up to study it further. The book was filled with blank pages, Ludwig knew. Father Toris had given it to his no less than a week ago, without saying a word. It was a plain, thin book with a brown cover, and the only decoration it's cover bore was the word "Journal" in bright red letters on the front. Gilbert flipped through the thin book, frowning slightly in confusion at the blank pages. He then closed it and studied the cover intently before setting it back in it's place, turning towards the bed. He didn't show the slightest bit of surprise to find Ludwig awake and staring at him, and his face remained as impassive as ever as he slowly walked over to the bed and sat on the edge.

For once, his brother didn't stare at him directly. He kept his eyes on the floor, only glancing at Ludwig from time to time, as if nervous about something. Gilbert's hand seemed to stray to his neck of it's own free will, and he clutched something there that Ludwig couldn't quite see... The golden-haired boy squinted his eyes a bit, trying to get a glimpse of the object, but had very little success. He thought he had caught a glimpse of black, and a rusty silver, but there was no way to be sure. He could, however, see the chain that ran from his brother's hand, up to his neck, disappearing beneath the collar of his blood stained shirt. So, it was a necklace... But Ludwig still could not see what charm was attached to the chain, as it was obscured from his view by his brother's thin, pale hand. Whatever it was, as Gilbert tucked the necklace back into the safety of his shirt, Ludwig saw blood oozing from small wounds on his brother's hand, as if he had been squeezing the thing much too forcefully... Gilbert suddenly turned to Ludwig, and spoke. "Ludwig. Listen to me..."

Gilbert paused then, more like waiting to make sure he had his adoptive son's attention than carefully choosing his words. When he was sure that Ludwig was fully awake, and he had his attention, he continued. "I forbid you to speak to anyone else besides me, Ludwig... I will not allow it. You are _my_ son." He paused once more, and his hand moved to his chest, fidgeting with the necklace through the thin shirt. His eyes lid to the floor and adopted a distant look. "You run around this place all day... There's no telling who you may run into... Who you may become attached to... You..." He looked back to Ludwig, his tone growing stern. "Promise me that you will speak to me, and _only_ me, Ludwig..."

Ludwig listened to Gilbert's words, words that he had heard many times throughout his young life. But something was different this time... "Only you...? But why-..."

"Because you are _my_ son..." Gilbert interrupted him, narrowing his eyes a bit. "_Promise _me, Ludwig."

"I..." Ludwig's words faltered a little at the harsh tone of Gilbert's voice... But they both knew what his answer would be... After all, Gilbert was Ludwig's everything, the center of his universe, the point upon which Ludwig's entire world seemed to spin... He sat up and looked Gilbert right in the eyes, mustering as much seriousness as he could. "I promise, brother... Only you." He said with a nod, and leaned over to hug Gilbert. "I love you, brother... So much..." Gilbert did not respond, nor did he return Ludwig's hug. He lifted his arms up to where the necklace sat and removed it. He stared at it lovingly for a few moments before holding it out to Ludwig. "Keep this with you always... This is your key now, Ludwig. From now on... You will not have relationships with anyone else besides me..." Gilbert said, repeating his earlier words.

Ludwig takes the strange necklace and hangs it around his neck, examining it... It appeared to be a small, black and silver cross of some sort, and the silver was stained with the rusty color of blood here and there. There was a thin, jagged piece of metal on the bottom of it, as if a part of it had broken off. The whole thing was wrapped tightly in thin barbed wire, and on the barbs he could still see Gilbert's blood where his brother had been clutching it only moments before. His brother had called it a key. So the key part of the necklace had broken off then? Why would his brother keep such a thing if it was broken? Maybe it was special...? Ludwig carefully turned the pendant in his hand. It certainly was beautiful, despite it's strange appearance. In the places that were free of blood stains, the silver still seemed to shine, and the shape of the cross could also be considered quite lovely, he supposed. It was a strange gift, that was certain... But it was still a gift. A gift from his brother. Gilbert suddenly stood, still watching Ludwig with that intense stare. Without saying a word, he leaned down and kissed Ludwig's Ludwig's head, then stood upright once again, turned, and walked towards the door. Ludwig knew that it would be a while before Gilbert came back. His brother never said farewell to him when he had to return to the basement, but Ludwig could always tell when he was leaving... Although Gilbert's face rarely betrayed emotion, Ludwig thought that he could see the slightest hint of sadness whenever his brother had to leave... But only a slight bit. He knew that Gilbert loved his job.

Ludwig watched as Gilbert turned the handle of the door and stepped out, disappearing from sight. He sat on the edge of his bed and took out the pendant once more. His brother had given him a gift... Lifting his head, he looked over to the stack of books on the shelf. This wasn't a moment that he wanted to forget. He stood and walked over to the stack, tucking the pendant into his shirt as he walked. Slowly, he sorted through the books until he came to the one with the plain, brown cover, the journal, and picked it up. Father Toris had taught him most of the letters, and he had supplemented that knowledge with the books his brother had brought him from the library in the basement. No, he would make sure that he never forgot this moment he had shared with the man he so admired... Grabbing a pencil from the shelf, he wandered back over to his bed, sat down, and began to write.

_"Brother gave me a key. It is my key now._  
_I am only to talk to my brother._  
_My brother loves me._  
_This is my first journal entry._

_-Ludwig Beilschmidt."_


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: I've decided to start updating this about once a week, but not on any specific day. This chapter is longer than the others, a little over 5,000 words, so it took me a while to type out. I tried my best to check for typos and misspellings and such, but I probably missed quite a few of them. Like before, feel free to let me know of any mistakes you find and I'll fix them. The next chapter will be a short one again, but they should start to get longer after that as things start picking up. Here's chapter 3, I hope you like it. :D**

**Warnings: A little blood towards the end, but not much other than that.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or theresia: Dear Emile.**

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Smell of Blood**

Shortly after my seventh birthday, I began working for the priest. I was given the job of caring for the animals that resided in the stable at the back of the garden. This job kept me far from the other residents of the church, and my brother seemed to approve of this. Maybe he was the one who told the priest to give me the job, and in the process making sure I would have little contact with others. Nevertheless, it was a job that I loved. It was nice to be able to talk to the animals, since I wasn't allowed human contact, and it somewhat remedied the feeling of loneliness that I had started to feel whenever my brother was away in the church basement.

When I started the job, I immediately noticed that the horse in the very back stall of the stable was pregnant, and within days a new baby horse was born. She was a mare with red hair, and she was so cute that I took very special care of her. I named her "Lilly". I would sometimes sneak away from my room to visit her, even when it wasn't time for work, and sometimes even late at night. She was a very smart horse, and I would talk to her for hours on end. It was as if she could understand what I was saying to her. As I grew older, so did Lilly, and she became my best friend and confidant.

I wonder what she's doing now...?

Brother's visits increased in frequency, and he became more and more adamant that I not leave his side during his visits. In fact, even when he wasn't visiting me, he would check up on every little thing I did. My job in the stables, every place I went, every game I played to amuse myself... It was as if he knew everything, like he was always present, watching me. But I knew better than that. Whenever brother was around, I could always smell the blood on him, it was a strong smell... That smell would have given him away in a heartbeat if he truly had been watching me like that. The older I grew, the more I would fear that smell... I felt as if it was seeping into my skin. I didn't want to smell like blood, like my brother, and I was filled with terror at the thought of that smell sticking to me.

Because of this, I began visiting the small stream in the garden everyday, to wash my hands. But the smell wouldn't leave me, no matter how hard I would scrub. I just couldn't stop... I had to get rid of that smell, no matter what it took. Everyday I returned to the garden, and sat for sometimes hours, just scrubbing my hands. Perhaps that was why he started talking to me...

"Isn't this stream so pretty? It's really, really cold, but it feels nice, especially on your feet. Oh! You know, you could probably use it to chill fruits and candy, I bet! You should try it! They're much better cold anyways!"

His name was Feliciano, and he was a war orphan, like myself, who lived in the massive church. Perhaps he took an interest in me because of our similar pasts...? But I'm not so sure about that... Regardless, everyday after that, Feliciano would attempt to make conversation every time he saw me. I did want to talk to him, to get to know him, but... I had to comply with my brother's wishes. I did my best to avoid Feliciano whenever possible, but he still continued to talk to me, even after I finally spoke to him and told him that I didn't want to... He was very persistent.

Around that time, the flowers that had grown wildly out of control in the fields surrounding the church began to appear inside the garden. It started with only a few red flowers here and there, but soon, the entire garden had become one big patch of red. The red flowers seemed to choke out the existence of every other flower in the field. The flowers were very beautiful, but something about them made me think of poison... They reminded me of my brother.

I was desperate for another color of flower, anything besides that deep, poisonous red...

I began attempting to plant my own flowers in the garden, next to the red flowers. Green flowers, yellow flowers, blue flowers... If the red flowers were my brother, then I wanted my presence in that garden as well. Green flowers for Feliciano, blue flowers for the kind priest, the yellow flowers were me... And all of the red flowers were my brother. I prayed that the flowers would grow, but they never did, and the garden remained a sea of blood red flowers.

* * *

Ludwig flinched slightly at the unexpected knock on his bedroom door, causing his hand that was holding the pencil to jerk, marking a long streak across the page of the journal he held. That wasn't good... His eraser was almost worn completely down, and it was hard for him to acquire new ones without initiating human contact. He hesitated before answering the door. His brother was the only one who would ever visit him, and he had already gone back to work earlier that day... Besides that, his brother never knocked on his door, he usually just barged right in. It was relatively safe within the church, besides the presence of the mercenaries... _It should be okay to answer the door, right? _Ludwig thought, chewing his bottom lip a bit. Even if it was one of the mercenaries, they would never harm him for fear of what his brother would do to them when he found out. Taking a deep breath, he put his journal and pencil back in it's place on the table beside his bed, stood and walked across the room to the door. It wasn't a long walk, his room wasn't exactly large. It was actually quite small, but was large enough for someone his size to walk around in comfortably. The walls were the same gray stone as the rest of the church, and floor was covered by a thick rug that muffled his footsteps as made his way to the door. Ludwig grabbed the handle and pulled the door open just a bit, peeking outside though the opening before opening the door any further.

Ludwig stared at his visitor for a few minutes, then blinked. It was Father Toris. Why would he, of all people, visit Ludwig's room? The priest should know how his brother felt about Ludwig talking to others, he had overheard enough of their conversations, as they stood in the chapel. Father Toris always looked at him with those kind eyes of his showing an emotion that Ludwig couldn't quite place... Was it pity? Sadness? But why...? As nice as the priest was, Ludwig had always thought of him as little strange. He was one of the few people that Ludwig didn't get into trouble for talking to, as long as he didn't talk to him too much. This man had helped him learn how to read and write, had occasionally changed his diapers before he was potty trained, taught him to pray, and made sure that he was kept clean and fed... But Ludwig didn't really know very much about him. Now, this strange man who had helped raise him was standing in front of his bedroom door, fidgeting nervously and looking as if he couldn't quite put to words what was on his mind. Ludwig decided that it was okay to let him in. He opened the door all the way and stepped back. "Come in, please." He mumbled, and returned to his seat on the bed.

Toris nodded and stepped into the room. He didn't sit, just stood there a bit awkwardly, looking around the small room. With a small sigh, he turned to Ludwig. "I need to ask you something, if you don't mind... Well, no, that's not right... Rather, I need to inform you of something." He finally said.

"Oh... What is it?" Ludwig asked, his head tilting involuntarily in slight confusion.

"Well, it..." Toris paused as if trying to think of the right words. After a few seconds, he looked at Ludwig and continued. "You're getting older now... Everyone here does their part to make sure that we stay fed, clothed... I think... I think it's time that _you _do your part."

"My part...? You mean work?"

Father Toris nodded. "Yes, I think you're old enough now to begin helping out a bit... Oh! But it's not anything too difficult, don't worry!" He quickly assured the young boy, then smiled. "I'm sure that you can handle it. You may even enjoy it."

Ludwig stared at the priest for a moment. "But... I don't know..."

"This isn't a decision that you must make, Ludwig, it's something that you have to do. It would be very unfair to everyone else here if you were exempt from work simply because..." He caught himself before he mentioned the boy's adoptive father. The man was terrifying, that was for sure... But despite his negative feelings towards the cold man, he didn't want to upset Ludwig by voicing his opinion of the torturer. "It's just something that you must do, Ludwig, and I promise that it's not too much work for you."

"But what about brother? He said that I..."

"I've already talked to him about it, and he said it's alright." The priest shuddered a bit at the memory of speaking to the white-haired man. "You'll be working in the stable, taking care of the horses. There are only three of them, so it won't be too strenuous. You only need to make sure they're fed, brush them, and keep the stalls clean. I can show you how to care for them tomorrow, if you'd like."

"Horses..." Ludwig mumbled to himself. Would he enjoy that job...? "Okay. Tomorrow is fine. Your help would be greatly appreciated, thank you."

"Yes, well..." Toris glanced over his shoulder, towards the door, trying to shake the uncomfortable feeling of being watched. "Alright then, I'll stop by tomorrow and show you what to do. It will be early, so please get plenty of rest. Farewell and goodnight." And with that, he turned on his heel and quickly left. Such a strange man...

* * *

The stable door creaked as Ludwig pushed it open and stepped inside. The sun had not yet risen, and there wasn't much light to see by, but the lantern that Ludwig carried with him remedied that well enough. Closing the door, he placed the lantern on the hook that hang from the ceiling and looked around. He had been taking care of the horses for just a little over one week, and he could already tell that it was a job he loved. All three horses were very gentle, so he didn't have to worry about being bitten, or kicked while he was working. Ludwig walked over to the first stable and opened it, quickly grabbing onto the horse's mane gently and leading it to the door. There was a small, fenced-in enclosure attached to the little building, mostly used as a place for the horses to stay while their stables were cleaned. Ludwig always cleaned the stables out before doing anything else, otherwise the the horses would get dirty again after they were brushed, and dirty hay would get into their water. After getting the first two horses outside, Ludwig had to rest for a few minutes. The horse in the second stall was just as gentle as the rest, but it had quite the mischievous streak, and it took a lot of work to get the horse outside when it was intent on nipping playfully at his light hair every few seconds. Ludwig sighed and turned towards the third stall. He had to be careful with this horse, the priest had told him. He walked over to the stall and pushed the door open...

At first, Ludwig thought that he was seeing things. A little blotch of brown and red was standing beside the horse, wobbling the slightest bit on unsteady legs. It took Ludwig a few seconds to figure out what it was, but when he realized that the brown and red blotch was, in fact, the new baby horse, his eyes lit up. She was very tiny, more so than Ludwig had expected. _So cute... _Ludwig thought. She watched him with wary eyes as she stepped closer to her mother. Ludwig couldn't contain a smile as he walked over to her and carefully ran a hand across the red mane and brown fur. As soon as the hand came into contact with her, she made a strange noise and flinched back, losing her balance and toppling over into the hay. Ludwig smiled at the new horse. "It looks like you haven't quite got the hang of walking just yet." He said, softly, so he wouldn't frighten her more.

Ludwig finished his work as quickly as possible. After leading the last horse outside, he set to work ridding the stables of the old, dirty hay, and replacing it with new hay. He then led the horses back into their stalls, saving the new baby horse and her mother for last so the filly would have some extra time to run around and get used to walking. After they were all inside, he brushed them, and then made sure they had water and food. His work complete for the time being, he returned to the last stall to sit with the new foal and it's mother. He just couldn't get over how cute she was. For a while, he entertained the idea of talking to her, but he was sure the horse wouldn't understand, so he decided against it. She seemed to be getting used to his presence, she didn't start as often whenever he'd make a sudden movement. Every few minutes Ludwig would scoot a little bit closer, and he was soon sitting right beside the foal. She needed a name... He couldn't just keep calling her "the new horse", could he? As far as he knew, the other horses didn't have names. If they did have names, nobody told them to Ludwig. Because of this, Ludwig had never given any of the horses names, since they might already have names. But this horse had no name at all, obviously... After a few moments of thinking, he turned to the foal and spoke softly. "What about 'Lilly'? Would you like that name?"

"It's a nice name." A familiar, scratchy, monotone voice said from behind him, near the door of the stall.

Ludwig started and turned his head towards the stall door, eyes widening in shock before he relaxed a bit at the sight of the familiar figure. "Th-thank you... Brother." He mumbled, placing a hand to his chest and trying to slow his suddenly rapid heartbeat. "You scared me, I didn't hear you come in."

Gilbert didn't respond. He walked over to where Ludwig sat and stared down at Lilly and her mother. His head tilted to the side and his eyes glazed over slightly, as if he were seeing something else besides the small foal curled up next to it's mother. He began to reach towards the two animals, then drew his hand back, shaking his head a little.

"She... She was born today. She's so cute... Do you like her, brother?" Ludwig inquired, staring up at the pale man.

Gilbert tore his eyes from the horses and looked at the boy sitting next to them. "You've been here too long. I went to your room and you weren't there. Why? Are you not done with work?"

Ludwig shivered under that intense gaze. "N-no... I mean yes! I-I am done with work, I..." He paused to teak a deep breath. He needed to calm down... He wasn't in trouble for staying so long, right? Or was he...? "I just wanted to sit with the foal for a little while, that's all. I-I like her a lot, brother, I just wanted to..." He trailed off, waiting for whatever response his brother would give.

Gilbert just stared at him, his eyebrows scrunching together slightly as his head fell more to the side in confusion. "Why...?" He shook his head before Ludwig could answer. "Never mind. Stand up."

"But I-..."

"Stand up." Gilbert repeated, no more or less stern than last time. Without waiting for a response, he grabbed Ludwig by the arm and hauled him to his feet. "Come." He mumbled, then turned on his heel and walked off.

As soon as he heard the door shut, Ludwig breathed a sigh of relief. His brother didn't seem to be angry, just indifferent as always. He had still better follow him before the intimidating man became upset though... He leaned down and gave Lilly one more pat on the head. "I'll be back tomorrow, alright? You be good for your mother." He said with a smile, then turned and headed towards his room.

* * *

The smell of blood... Ludwig was sure that the smell would to drive him crazy. It was always there these days, even when his brother wasn't around. He was unsure whether he was imagining it, or whether the smell was simply following him, but he wanted rid of it. If he scrubbed enough, it had to get rid of the smell... If he washed his hands just _one more time_, maybe it would be enough to get rid of that smell... The scent no longer lulled him to sleep as it did when he was a baby. More often than not, the smell would keep him awake at night, making his stomach knot with anxiety with it's persistent presence. When he did manage to fall asleep, he would jerk awake, covered in a cold sweat and tangled in his thin blankets. He was constantly haunted by the smell, although he couldn't figure out why it bothered him so much, and he wanted it to just go away. So Ludwig began coming to the garden everyday to wash his hands in the small stream that ran through it. He sat by the cold stream for hours sometimes, washing his hands, drying them, and then washing them again. He would scrub until his skin was red and sore, and then scrub some more. _Why won't it just go away...?_

"Isn't this stream so pretty? It's really, really cold, but it feels nice, especially on your feet. Oh! You know, you could probably use it to chill fruits and candy, I bet! You should try it! They're much better cold anyways!"

Ludwig froze, pausing in the middle of washing his hands for the third time that day. He wasn't alone... How long had the other been there? His mind was screaming at him to ignore the voice and go about his business, to listen to his brother and just avoid this person. It would be fine as long as he ignored them, they'd go away, just _don't turn around_... He couldn't help himself. After spending his entire life with only his brother for company, even a little human contact would be welcome. Besides, his brother said that he couldn't _talk _to people, right? He wasn't going to talk, he just needed to look... Ludwig turned in the direction of that voice and stared dumbly at the boy. The boy looked to be about Ludwig's age, maybe a bit older, and his unruly brown hair fell around light, smiling brown eyes. He leaned against the tree he stood next to and smiled brightly, waving a hand at Ludwig. "My name's Feliciano. What's yours? Do you want to be my friend?"

Ludwig didn't reply, only stared. He couldn't talk to this boy, no matter how nice he was being... He wanted to, but he couldn't just disobey his big brother like that... Could he? Maybe it wouldn't hurt, just a little talking, a few words... Brother didn't have to know. He wouldn't be angry if he didn't know... No. No, he had to listen to his brother. As much as it pained him, he could never talk to anyone besides his brother. His brother was all he had, and he wouldn't break his trust if he could help it... Taking a deep breath, Ludwig stood, his eyes never leaving Feliciano. _Just once couldn't hurt..._ A little voice in his mind kept repeating. He had to get away from this boy before he did something stupid. Tearing his gaze away from Feliciano's, he stared at the ground and walked past him as calmly and quickly as possible. Oh, but it was just so tempting...

"Ludwig..." He mumbled as passed the boy, then ran back to his room as fast as his legs would carry him and locked the door.

* * *

After that day in the garden, Feliciano would talk to Ludwig every time he saw him. Ludwig did his best to avoid the bouncy boy, but he was rarely successful in doing so. When caught, Ludwig would run. If Feliciano caught up to him, which he often did, then Ludwig wouldn't respond to the boy. Still, Feliciano was very persistent... No matter how many times he failed to get Ludwig to talk, he never gave up on talking to him, and he always tried again the next time he would see Ludwig. Eventually, Ludwig began staying in his room almost constantly to avoid the bubbly brunette, only leaving to work, use the bathroom, eat, and other such things. He always made sure that his bedroom door was locked, in case Feliciano found out the location of the room. It was boring, and lonely, yes... But it was much preferred to disobeying his brother. If he were to have too much contact with Feliciano, Ludwig would eventually break down and talk to him, and that just wasn't an option, no matter how badly he wanted to speak to the other boy. He would just have to avoid him, however lonely that made him feel...

He spent the time cooped up in his room with reading the few books he possessed, or writing in his journal. There wasn't much else to do. He had already made his bed exactly 15 times, reorganized his possessions on the bookshelf twice, and cleaned up every speck of dust he could find with a small piece of cloth he had torn from some of his old clothes that no longer fit him. So there he sat, on the bed, writing, when his stomach loudly proclaimed the hunger he had been ignoring for the past hour or so. He shouldn't ignore it for much longer, or he would get dizzy... Ludwig sighed in annoyance. He sat his pencil down in the journal to mark his place, should the thin book close, and stood up, stretching as he rose. How long had he been writing? He shuffled over to the door, opened it, and glanced quickly around the hall to check for the presence of a certain brown-haired boy. Once he was satisfied that he was alone, he stepped into the hall and headed for the kitchen to look for food. He couldn't reach the higher shelves without the aid of a stool, but he didn't feel like pulling one close enough for himself to stand on, so he simply walked to the pantry instead. Without thinking, he pulled the door open without even checking to see if anyone was inside... Someone was.

Sitting on a barrel in the far corner of the room, eating an apple, completely oblivious to his surroundings, was Feliciano. Ludwig let out a small gasp of surprise before covering his mouth with his hand. Too late... Feliciano's head jerked in his direction, and a smile lit his face. "Hello, Ludwig!" He said brightly, hopping off of the barrel and shoving the half-eaten apple into his pocket.

Before Feliciano could take even two steps, Ludwig turned and bolted towards the door, forgetting his empty stomach for the moment. It growled angrily at him as he ran back to his room. But no matter how fast he ran, he could hear the footsteps of someone following him. "Hey! Ludwig, wait!"

Ludwig didn't know why, but he stopped. Why did he stop? Why did he listen to this boy that he barely even knew, that he shouldn't even be in the same room with...? This boy wanted him to get in trouble... Why else would he continue to talk to Ludwig, even after Ludwig made it clear that he didn't want to talk? Ludwig felt anger flood through him, and his little hands curled into tight fists. Feliciano probably wanted to upset Ludwig's brother, too... Ludwig would not let that happen, not on his watch. He turned to Feliciano, eyes narrowing even as he felt his nails dig into his palms. "Stop... Stop following me already!" He hissed at the smaller boy. "I d-don't want to talk to you! Don't you understand that! Leave me alone!"

Feliciano's eyes widened, and he flinched as if he'd been struck. He stood there for a moment, just staring at Ludwig with a hurt look in his eyes... And then his usual smile was back, but it seemed to Ludwig that the smile didn't look as happy as before. Slowly, carefully, Feliciano reached into his pocket and walked over to Ludwig. Ludwig watched him with wary eyes, ready to run if he needed to... But Feliciano simply pulled something out of his pocket and held it out to Ludwig. It was an apple, just like the one Feliciano had been eating earlier, but this one was whole. Feliciano continued to smile sadly at Ludwig as he placed the apple in Ludwig's palm. "If you're hungry... Y-you can have this... I... It's very good, a-and cold, and... I was saving it for you. I thought that you'd be hungry, since you're always in your room..." Feliciano's voice dropped to almost a whisper. Ludwig thought he saw tears in the boy's eyes, but he couldn't tell, as Feliciano was now looking at the floor. "I didn't know that you were staying in your room because of me..."

And with that, he simply turned and walked away, leaving Ludwig standing in the middle of the hall, still holding the apple. He hadn't meant to snap at him like that, he really didn't... He was just so angry. Why didn't Feliciano understand that Ludwig _couldn't_ talk to him...? If only there was some way that he could... Ludwig shuffled back to his room, a wave of guilt washing over him as he closed the door once again and heard the lock click into place.

* * *

The color was overbearing, it was everywhere. What had started out as only a few flowers, the seeds of which were perhaps carried by the wind over the tall fence the surrounded the garden, was now a massive blotch of red. The flowers that had once only grown outside of the church walls were now growing in the garden, and they seemed to choke out every other species of flower that had once been present. There were no more blues, no more yellows or purples... Only that intense red color, everywhere. And that was one the reasons that Ludwig stood there, in the midst of all the red, carefully clutching a small shovel and what few seeds he had managed to gather from the dried up flowers that had once bloomed throughout the garden. The red reminded him of that smell, and of his brother... He needed more than just red flowers. The red would drive him crazy, he needed more color, he _needed _it...

Ludwig walked over to the center of the garden, where the red flowers didn't bloom as wildly as everywhere else. Perhaps the flowers he intended to plant would have more of a chance of growing there... He got down on his knees and began to dig a hole, uprooting whatever red flowers he could in the process. When he deemed the hole deep enough, he placed the seeds into the hole, positioning them carefully, and covered them with dirt. Oh, how he hoped they would grow... Even the strange, green flowers that most people considered weeds. Anything besides red... He stood up and walked over to the stream in which he washed his hands so often, and cupped his hands to dip out some water. He almost spilled the water a few times on the way back to his newly panted flower seeds, but he managed to save just enough. He smiled and hummed as he let the water slip through his fingers and soak the ground where he had planted the seeds.

"Ludwig."

Ludwig didn't even flinch this time... It was just about time that his brother visited him, it was no surprise that he showed up here. Gilbert always found him. Ludwig continued to smile as the last of the water fell onto the dirt.

"Ludwig." Gilbert repeated.

Ludwig could feel those eyes on him, those bloody eyes that never showed any warmth. Wiping his hands on his clothes to dry them, he turned towards his brother. "Yes...?"

It was so fitting... His precious big brother standing among all the red flowers, covered in blood, his hand extended towards Ludwig, and that ever present blank expression on his face... His brother was so beautiful. With him standing there like that, the garden was a lovely mixture of nothing but red and white that even Ludwig, with his disdain for the red flowers, had to admire. "Stand up."

"I... But..."

"Stand up." His brother didn't seem to mind repeating himself. Ludwig took his brother's bloody hand, stood, and allowed himself to be led back to his room without protest... And even though the smell of blood terrified him, he found himself comforted by that blood covered hand that clasped his so tightly.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello again. Sorry it took me so long to update this time, I've been a little sick for the past week. This chapter was originally going to very short, very boring, and pretty much pointless. So, I decided to just sort of combine it with chapter 5 to make a new chapter 4 so I wouldn't bore anyone to death. The next chapter will be when the bad stuff finally starts to happen, and there'll be a new character in the chapter after that. Also, Ludwig's part at the beginning of each chapter may start to get shorter, because I don't want it to give away the entire chapters in the future, and I may eventually remove it completely, or only type it out for some chapters. But, yeah. After this chapter, some bad stuff starts to go down. Oh, and there may be a few typos or grammatical errors. I tried to check the spelling and such as best as I could, but I was sick when I wrote most of this, and I'm still a little sick. Feel free to tell me if you spot anything that needs fixed. If you've played the game, then you already know what it is, but please don't spoil it for the ones who don't know. ;D**

**Warnings for this chapter: A little ideologically sensitive material (very brief discussion of religion and homosexuality, only at the beginning), mentions of death, and I think that's it for this one.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or theresia.**

* * *

I turned ten years old. I was living a devout life. Maybe it was because of the influence of the priest... Or perhaps by that age I had began to better understand the difference between what people thought of as "right" and "wrong" and tried to do what I thought was "good" and "the right thing"... The church was poor, so there was little food for those living within it to eat. That small amount of food seemed to decrease everyday, as only a miniscule amount of food was being brought in to replace what was eaten the previous day. The lack of food seemed to be getting to some people, even after we began to ration it to make sure everyone had enough to eat. Late at night, when everyone had gone to bed, I would sneak out of my room and kneel in front of the alter to pray for the happiness of everyone who lived in the church.

My brother's visits grew even more frequent. Most of the time he would take me to the field, but when the weather was bad we just sat in the chapel and talked. Sometimes the priest was there as well. I noticed that he seemed to be afraid of my brother... It wasn't too shocking a thing to realize. Most people were afraid of my brother, he was a very intimidating man. But I also noticed that my brother seemed to fear the priest as well. Maybe my brother saw something divine in the priest that scared him, just as the priest may have seen something evil in my brother that invoked the same emotion... Maybe that was the reason that my brother didn't seem to mind when the priest talked to me?

Feliciano continued his efforts to start a conversation with me, even after the day that I had lost my temper and yelled at him. Part of me was relieved that he hadn't been as upset over my outburst as I had thought, but part of me was still worried about my brother finding out about our one-sided conversations... But still, Feliciano continued to talk to me. He even began to show up in the stables while I cared for the horses. I didn't understand him at all... Why was he so interested in talking to me? The only time I had ever spoken to him was when I told him my name, and the time I yelled at him... So why? But... It felt nice. I began to enjoy his presence in the stables while I worked. I found myself thinking that maybe... Maybe I did want to get to know other people besides my brother.

Feliciano had heard from some of the adults that my brother forbid me from talking to people... We both understood that nothing good would come of it, if anyone caught him talking to me... Feliciano himself had admitted it. But he had a plan... He started writing letters to me and leaving them in the stack of hay in the stables, where he usually sat during his visits. I didn't write replies to the first few letters, but after some thought, I figured that it wouldn't hurt... After all, I wasn't allowed to _talk_ to people... Writing letters wasn't forbidden, right? But I didn't really believe that, no matter how many times I repeated it to myself. I was just trying to find some excuse, _any excuse_, to write letters to Feliciano, to learn more about him.

Everyday Feliciano would hide his letter in the hay, and I would retrieve it before I left the stables. I would hide it until I was safely in my room with the doors locked, and then I would read it, and re-read it until it was almost memorized. Then, I would write my reply before going to sleep, and hide it in the hay the next day. We had many long conversations this way. Since I wasn't allowed to leave the church, he would tell me about the world beyond the stone walls of the building. In turn, I would tell him about the horses that I cared for so much, and about my dear brother and how I came to be his adoptive son. Feliciano didn't seem to care much for my brother...

I felt as if I was slowly falling for him... Of course, back then I didn't yet realize that that was something people considered "wrong"... But I couldn't help it. He was the only person besides my brother and the priest who would speak to me... And he was always so cheery, with that ever-present smile on his face that always reached his eyes, and his bouncy personality. It seemed to me as if he was trying to spread his happiness around... Because even when things looked dim, even when the food supply got low, or when the war sent more soldiers to the church... Feliciano always smiled.

* * *

Ludwig winced at every creak that the wooden floor emitted beneath his feet as he made his way to the chapel. He wasn't supposed to be out and about so late at night, and it wouldn't end well if he were caught. Someone might think he was trying to steal more than his fair share of food. He tried to balance his weight more evenly as he walked, but the floor still creaked beneath his weight. Being ten years old, Ludwig was much heavier than when he was younger, and sneaking out of his room became more difficult. He had been caught before, yes... But never when the church was so low on food that it had to be rationed between it's residents. Even Ludwig's nightly visits to the stables had began to decrease for fear of being caught out of his room at night. But this was important, and he had to do it... He would be safe as soon as he made it to the chapel, as his intentions there wouldn't be questioned since it was so far from the kitchens. It wasn't a very long walk from his room to the large room with the stained glass windows, but every noise that came from the floor seemed to last for hours to Ludwig.

After what seemed to be an eternity, he finally made it to the chapel. Ludwig sighed in relief. The floors of the chapel were stone, like the walls, and his feet barely made any sound at all as he made his way to the alter. It was dark... But Ludwig had never really been afraid of the dark, so he didn't mind. The moonlight that streamed in through the windows provided enough light to see by, and that was enough for him. Upon reaching the alter, he knelt down in front of it, bowed his head, and folded his hands. The soft sounds of whispered prayer seemed to echo throughout the quiet chapel as Ludwig's lips moved to form the words. "Please make everybody here feel happy... Even if we can't get more food, please, make sure that everyone is happy..." He lifted his head and cracked his eyes open the slightest bit. He wasn't sure if he was doing it correctly... Of all the things the priest had taught him, praying wasn't one of them, perhaps out of fear of Ludwig's brother... But Ludwig had watched others pray while he played in the pews when he was small. They would bow their heads, fold their hands, and mumble... So maybe he was doing it right? Suddenly feeling a bit awkward, he returned his hands to his sides. "A-amen...?" He added hesitantly, not knowing what else to say.

Ludwig stood and brushed the dirt from his clothes. He hoped his prayer would work... Almost everyone he saw during the day looked so, so tired and sad. He wanted everyone to be happy, he wanted to see smiles on their faces like he did when he was little. Things would get better, everyone had to believe that... What good would it do to just shuffle around hopelessly all day? Everyone needed to smile, and have hope that their situation would improve. Giving one last look at the stained glass windows and the moonlight that shone through them, he turned back towards the noisy hall and made his way carefully back to his room. If it would make the people who lived in the church happy again, he would do this every night if he had to...

* * *

Ludwig sat on one of the many pews in the chapel, next to his brother, fidgeting a little. Because of his brother's presence, Ludwig wasn't allowed to leave his side, even to perform his duties taking care of the horses. Father Toris had to send someone else to feed and clean them, and Ludwig didn't like that... Gilbert sat with his usual blank expression, staring at the windows, or maybe _through _the windows at the rain that poured from the sky, seemingly oblivious to Ludwig's discomfort. Gilbert had attempted to wash the blood from his skin and clothes before visiting Ludwig that day, but the smell was still there, and it wasn't helping calm Ludwig's nerves at all. Neither of them spoke, but simply sat there, Ludwig shifting uncomfortably and Gilbert staring at the windows. Ludwig didn't mind the lack of conversation. Talking to his big brother was confusing, most times, and the conversations were somewhat short, as Gilbert didn't say much. After a few moments of just sitting there, Gilbert finally looked at Ludwig. "Come on." He deadpanned, grabbing Ludwig's hand in his and standing, pulling the boy to his feet.

His big brother led him towards the front of the church. At first, Ludwig wondered if his brother had a purpose for bringing him up there, but they simply walked back and forth, from the large organ that sat in one corner of the room, to the doorway that led to the hall, and then back to the organ again, Gilbert's hand gripping Ludwig's tightly as they walked. Every few steps, Gilbert would glance at the windows again. Usually they would walk outside in the field of red flowers when Gilbert would visit, but the rain and thunder prevented them from doing so today. As they walked past the alter where the priest stood, sweeping the dust from the floor, Gilbert glanced at the windows once again, almost snapping his head in the direction of the stained glass. This caused the priest to noticeably flinch. Gilbert didn't notice the look that Father Toris directed at him, nor did he see the man step back the slightest bit... But Ludwig did. Was the priest afraid of his brother? Toris looked at Gilbert as if he were staring at the devil himself... But it all had happened within the span of a few seconds, and then the priest was back to his sweeping as if nothing unusual had occurred.

As they continued to pace the chapel floor, the green-eyed priest swept the dirt closer and closer to their path. When Ludwig thought that the sound of the old broom swishing across the stone floor would drive him mad, Gilbert spoke. "You've still been caring for those horses, right?" He started, frowning the slightest bit. "Do you like that job? If not-..." He was interrupted when the priest swept up a small cloud of dust almost directly in front of him. Ludwig watched, somewhat mystified at the rare change of expression on his older brother's face. Gilbert's eyes grew wide and he took a step back, just as the priest had done only a moment ago... But Gilbert wasn't worried about the dust the broom had stirred up... He was looking at the priest. For the first time that he could remember, Ludwig thought he saw what could have been fear in his brother's red eyes. And then the look was gone, and Gilbert shot the priest a venomous glare. Toris ignored the two, but quickly swept the remainder of the dust out of their path and moved on. How strange... Had Ludwig imagined all of that, the mutual feeling of fear that the priest and his brother seemed to feel towards each other?

He didn't have much time to dwell on it, as his brother decided to pick up where he'd left off. "If you don't like the job, I could find you a different job."

Ludwig shook his head. "No, I like my job very much. It's fine, big brother. The horses are so-..."

Gilbert interrupted him with a nod. "Okay. Have you talked to anyone?"

"Ah... No, I haven't. O-only the horses..." Ludwig lied, his mind flashing guiltily back to the time he had yelled at Feliciano.

"... The horses are alright to talk to. They're just horses." Gilbert said, narrowing his eyes a bit at Ludwig as if annoyed. "Stop that. Don't be worried. The horses are fine, talk to them if you want to..."

Ludwig kept his mouth shut. He couldn't just flat out lie to his brother like that, and he had the feeling that the truth would spill out if he opened his mouth...

"Come on. We'll sit in your room now." Gilbert mumbled. He tightened his grip on Ludwig's hand and lead him towards the hall.

* * *

Ludwig sat on a small mound of hay in the last stall, talking to Lilly. The young mare's mother had died the year before after getting sick and refusing to eat, so the Lilly had the stall to herself now, and Ludwig felt the urge to keep her company more often after the mare's mother died. Lilly had been devastated... Ludwig had a hard time getting her to eat, and for a while he thought that she would suffer the same fate as her mother... But after almost a week, he coaxed the young horse to eat, and she slowly returned to the sweet, happy horse that Ludwig cared so much for. Ludwig had grown used to talking to the horses over time, and he now spent most of his free time in the stables with them, talking to them for hours. Lilly was his favorite though... He sighed and leaned back against the wood of the stall. "I really wish that my brother would let me talk to people... N-not that I don't enjoy talking to you! You're my best friend, but... I think... I think I want to get to know people, Lilly..." The image of a certain boy flashed into his mind as he spoke...

Lilly nickered quietly in reply and stomped a hoof, then took a step back, eying the stall door a bit warily. Ludwig turned and looked at the stall door just as it began to inch open, and his heart skipped a beat as anxiety flooded him. Was his brother back? Did he intend to sit with Ludwig even in the stables, the one place where he could be alone? The creaking of the hinges that held the door to the stall seemed to echo in Ludwig's ears, and everything seemed to slow down... But the hand that pushed the door open was nowhere near pale enough to be his big brother's hand, and Ludwig found himself sighing in relief at that realization. But still... If it wasn't his brother, then who could it be? The priest, maybe? Or... _Oh. Speak of the devil... _It was Feliciano.

"So you really do sit in here a lot? That's what everyone said, but I didn't know if you would be here this late in the evening... At least I caught you before you went back to your room!" The cheerful boy said with a bright smile, shutting the stall door behind him and walking over to the pile of hay where Ludwig sat.

As always, Ludwig didn't reply... He simply sat there, staring at Feliciano with the same wary look that Lilly had used minutes before. Feliciano sat down beside Ludwig, causing him to scoot away the slightest bit. If his brother were to show up, this wouldn't be good...

The brown-haired boy smiled at him sadly. "I know why you won't talk to me now. I heard the grown-ups talking about it... How your brother won't let you talk to anyone besides him..." Feliciano sighed. "That's very, very sad... But he's not here now, right? Can't you talk to me while he's gone? Even a little bit? I saw him leave today, so he won't be back for a few days... S-so... Talk to me? Please? I won't tell! I promise!"

Ludwig felt his resolve weaken slightly as Feliciano's smile brightened once again and lit up his brown eyes. Well, if his brother wasn't there... "I... O-okay. Yes, I guess I could, just this once..."

"Yay! You talked to me! And you didn't even yell!" Feliciano bounced on the hay a bit, his face radiating joy. "There's _so_much I want to talk about! How old are you? Is Gilbert your dad, or your brother? What's the horse's name? Does it bite? Can I pet it? What's your favorite color?"

Ludwig cringed and quickly clapped a hand over Feliciano's mouth. "Shh! Be more quiet!" He said in a hushed voice, glancing around the stall nervously. "Just because my brother's not here, that doesn't mean you can be loud! Someone might here, and they might tell..."

Feliciano blinked as Ludwig's hand fell from his mouth. "Ohhhhhhh..." He said, lowering his voice to the same volume as Ludwig's. "Okay, I understand. It would be bad if that happened... I thought that would be a problem, so..." He paused as he reached into his pocket, then pulled out a small, folded piece of paper. "That's why I brought this."

Ludwig frowned at the folded paper and reached out to take it, but Feliciano held it out of his reach. "What is it?" The blond boy finally asked.

"It's a letter." Feliciano nodded. "It's for you, but don't read it just yet... Take it to your room and read it there, then write me back, you know?"

"That works, I suppose. Just in case my brother does show up..." Ludwig reached for the letter again, but Feliciano still wouldn't let him have it. Ludwig growled softly in annoyance.

"Not yet! I'll just leave it here, okay?" Feliciano said with a wink, shoving the letter into the pile of hay. He stood up. "I'm going to go now, okay? Don't forget to write me back!" He said, then turned and almost skipped out of the stall door.

When Ludwig heard the stable door close, he shoved his hand into the hay. After a few moments of searching, he found the letter that Feliciano had written and pulled it out. He quickly shoved the paper into his pocket and stood. "I'll be back tomorrow, Lilly, I promise." He said as he ran a hand through the horse's mane. With one last wave at the mare, he turned and ran for his room, anxious to read the letter.

* * *

_Dear Ludwig,  
Your brother sounds really mean. It's not right that he won't let you talk to people. But you have me for a friend, so it's not so bad. Right? And the horses! You have a favorite horse, right? I can never remember her name... Larry? Louis? Oh! I went to the town today! I'll tell you about it, since you can't go there yourself. The buildings aren't very big, not even close to how big the church is, but they're very clean and colorful! And there's a market where you can buy food. They have other stuff there as well, but it's too much to name on one piece of paper... Oh, but there's so much food! Have you ever eaten pasta? It's noodles with yummy, seasoned tomato sauce on it, and meatballs! I would get you some, but I don't have any money... One of the vendors let me try some once. Wasn't that nice of him? He reminded me of my brother a little bit... Oh, I never told you about that, did I? I used to live with my grandpa and my brother Lovino, but they got killed in the war when I was very young... Someone found me and brought me here. Gilbert isn't your real brother, is he? He's with those soldiers, but you're from here... How did you come to live at the church? Anyways, I'm running out of room to write, so I'll just wait for your reply!  
Your new friend,  
Feliciano_

Ludwig finished reading the letter for the third time and smiled. Feliciano was his friend... Just the thought of that made him happy. He and Feliciano had been writing letters back and forth to each other for a few weeks now, and they had gotten to know each other quite well. Feliciano still talked to him when he came to the stables to deliver his letter or pick up Ludwig's reply, but Ludwig still didn't talk to him much for fear that Gilbert would find out. Ludwig sat up on his bed and pressed Feliciano's letter flat against the mattress, then grabbed his journal and pencil. He tore out a sheet of the journal paper and placed it against the book to use as a hard surface to write on. He always felt as if his letters weren't worded as well as Feliciano's, but he still replied to them... To help improve his writing skills, he would tell himself.

_Dear Feliciano,  
My brother isn't mean, really. He does care for me, I don't know how I know that, but I do. Please, don't call him "mean"... He's just different, that's all. He just wants to make sure that he never loses me, I think. Because he loves me. I love all of the horses, not just the one I talk to. And her name is Lilly. I named her. Is that a nice name? I really wish I could see the town for myself, it sounds very beautiful. I'm not sure I understand exactly what "pasta" is, but I hope I can try it one day. Maybe the ingredients are in the kitchen? But I don't think we'd be allowed to make it, since the food situation is so bad. I didn't know that you had a brother. You're very lucky, I don't remember my real family at all, I was very small when my brother found me. He didn't tell me much, only that he found me in some rubble and brought me here to adopt me. So he's technically my father, but I'm supposed to call him brother. I can remember the day he_-

Ludwig barely registered the footsteps outside his bedroom door, but the sound of the lock clicking was like a slap across the face. He quickly shoved the half-finished letter between the wall and the bed and opened his journal, pretending to read his past entries. Still, he couldn't help but jump a bit when the door opened and Gilbert stepped into the room. He'd almost been caught... His stomach clenched guiltily as his brother moved to sit on the bed.

"You're busy?" The pale-haired man asked.

Ludwig shook his head. "N-no, I was just reading, that's all."

Gilbert glanced at the journal and frowned. "Why read that? You wrote it, you know what it says."

"Oh... W-well... I just wanted to re-read it. F-for memories." Ludwig replied with a nod.

Gilbert seemed to accept this answer, as he didn't say anything else on the matter. "Come here." He stared at Ludwig without blinking and held his arms out. Ludwig shuddered slightly under the stare before moving closer to his brother to be held. Gilbert wrapped his arms around the boy and leaned back against the wall. "I haven't sang you to sleep in a while, have I...?" He mumbled as he threaded his fingers through Ludwig's blond hair.

Ludwig shook his head a bit and relaxed as he leaned against his brother. He hadn't heard Gilbert sing in months. Gilbert didn't say anything else, but immediately started to sing instead, petting Ludwig's hair. _Like I'm some cat..._ Ludwig thought. For once, the lullaby his brother sang, the arms around him... They didn't comfort him. He eventually drifted into sleep out of habit, the last thought before sleep came being of how much he felt like a pet than a little brother.


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: First off, sorry it took me so long to update this. The area in which I live was one of the places that got hit by that huge derecho on June 29th, so we didn't have power for a while. After we got power back, I spent a few days trying to contact my family to make sure they were safe. On top of all that, I share a laptop with my fiance, and he writes fics on here as well, so whenever he's writing a fic, I can't write. Also, in the chaos that followed the storm, someone broke into our car and stole our bill money, so I may lose my internet connection soon. But it's just a maybe thing right now. If my internet does get shut down, I'll have to go to the library to update this fic, so if updates become really slow, that's why. I'll still be updating this though, so no worries. Oh, and this is the chapter where all the bad stuff starts happening. I don't know if I can write all that scary stuff very well, but it still might be pretty bad if you're squeamish.**

**Warnings: Biological warfare, lots of blood, crude language, character death, and a few other things that I probably missed.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Theresia.**

**Notes:  
****Matthias = Denmark  
****Lukas = Norway**

* * *

The war came to an end on the day I turned 12... My country had lost. The enemy had developed a strange new weapon. At first, nobody knew what that weapon was, as there had initially been no casualties. But the enemy's weapon ensured their victory in an instant... It wasn't a weapon meant to devastate in mere minutes, no... It was a weapon meant to completely decimate and entire country over a course of many years.

I learned that it was called "Epicari"... It was a biological weapon engineered in a laboratory with the singular purpose of "ending" the war for good. I suppose it did just that... But at what cost? Those infected would behave very strangely, but how they behaved differed from person to person... Some would fear a certain color, some would feel the need to hide, some would stop using a certain body part, such as an arm, or a leg, or even their lungs... They would then lose their memory... The infected would continue to behave oddly, and eventually become violent, some even hurting or killing people and animals... But it always ended the same. They would become more and more violent, then they would commit suicide.

All it took was one little germ planted just right... And the bodies began to pile up. After death, the corpses of the victims of Epicari would turn a bright, beautiful purple... That was the signal that the virus was spreading. Not knowing what to do at first, people began gathering the bodies at the church on the outskirts of town... The church where I lived. At the instruction of the enemy mercenaries who still occupied the church basement, we began burning the bodies to prevent further spread of the virus. Every time a new Epicari victim would show up, the body was immediately carted off to the church to be burnt without any prayers by men and women wearing thick protective suits.

Everyone was told to stay away from the corpses... But I couldn't stand it. All of those people... With nobody to even care enough for them to be there as they were burnt... I just couldn't take it. Virus or no, they were still people. I would sit next to the pyre of burning bodies and offer up my prayers for the dead, despite the warnings to stay away.

All I could do was pray...

* * *

"Since it's your birthday today, I'll be spending the entire day with you. I promise." The deadpan voice of his older brother pulled Ludwig's attention away from the book he was reading, and he listened attentively as the pale man continued. "I have a present for you. You'll get it later, not right now." He looked at Ludwig expectantly, as if waiting for a reply of some sort, signaling Ludwig that the elder had finished speaking.

Ludwig placed a finger in his book to hold his place while he talked to Gilbert. "Thank you, big brother." He said, speaking the words halfheartedly with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. If his brother was staying with him for the entire day... He wouldn't be able to take his letter to the stables for Feliciano to read. Ludwig's stomach dropped at the thought of the boy's disappointed face upon discovering the absence of the letter.

Gilbert opened his mouth as if to speak, but whatever he was going to say was lost as he was interrupted by a knock on Ludwig's bedroom door. He turned his head and glared at the door as if attempting to kill whoever was on the other side with his eyes alone. Ludwig scooted a bit towards the edge of the bed as if to stand up, but Gilbert held a hand out to stop him. "Stay put." As a second knock echoed throughout the small room, Gilbert stood and crossed the small room to answer it, his hand twitching slightly towards his belt where a somewhat small knife sat in it's holster. He grasped the handle of the knife with his right hand and quickly jerked open the door. It was one of the other mercenaries.

"I thought I told you not to disturb me while I am above ground...?" Gilbert hissed at the man standing just out of his arm's reach. "You'd better have a damned good reason for knocking on this door, Matthias." Ludwig saw Gilbert's knuckles turn and even paler shade than usual with the force he was gripping the knife.

"H-hey! Calm down there, Gilly!" The tall mercenary laughed a bit nervously and stepped back, glancing at the hand Gilbert kept hidden behind his back. He lowered his voice a little. "I do have a 'damned good reason', trust me... We've... We've got a problem. A very top secret kinda problem, you know...?" His eyes shifted to Ludwig for an instant at the last sentence.

Gilbert stood there for a moment before finally letting go of the knife handle and dropping his arm to his side. Ludwig quickly picked up his book and pretended to read as his brother turned around to look at him. Seeming satisfied that Ludwig was well occupied, Gilbert turned back to the blond mercenary and stepped forward, pulling the door half-shut behind him. "What is it?"

Ludwig lowered the book slightly and leaned towards the door, straining to hear the conversation. Oh, what a bad habit eavesdropping made... But this... What was important enough to pull Gilbert away from Ludwig on his birthday? Doing so on any normal day he spent with his brother was difficult enough, so this much have been very important. He concentrated on the mumbled words coming from the other side of the door... But he could only hear the words spoken by his brother, who didn't bother lowering his voice as the tall mercenary had.

"...'s this about?" He heard his brother say, followed by a few mumbled words from the other, then silence. For a moment Ludwig wondered if the two had moved away from the door, but just as he was about to stand up and check, his brother spoke once more.

"They used... They actually used it...?" Ludwig had never heard his brother's voice sound so... Shocked... He leaned forward a bit more as Gilbert spoke again, anger replacing the shock in his voice. "But they said that this place is ours... That was the deal! They had _no right _to use it here! They-"

For a moment, the mercenary's voice was loud enough for Ludwig to hear as the man interrupted his brother, his voice sounding panicked. "They didn't! I-it was the province beside ours, not our territory! It spread here, i-it's _still _spreading, and we need to do something before..." His voice dropped back to it's low volume, and Ludwig didn't hear the rest of his words.

All was silents for a few moments before his brother spoke once more. "Fine. I understand. Give me a few minutes..."

Ludwig jerked the book back into his lap with a start as the door was pushed open. He looked up at his brother as the elder began to speak. "I'm needed below the church... I'll... I'll be back later." His face was as blank as ever as he spoke, but Ludwig sensed a slight tone of worry in his voice.

"I understand. I'll be here waiting..." He murmured, trying to fake disappointment as his spirits lifted. He would have time to deliver his letter now.

Gilbert simply nodded before turning on his heel to follow the mercenary down the long hallway. Ludwig stood as if to close the door, but paused with his hand resting on the doorknob, listening. After the sound of footsteps receded, Ludwig dashed to his bed to grab the letter he had hidden between the bed and the wall, then darted out of the room towards the stables.

* * *

_Dear Ludwig,_

_Don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes... Sometimes I can't help but think it's a good thing that you're not allowed to leave the church. I've told you lots of good things about outside, but it can be really bad, too...Like today. I was at the market, looking at all of the pretty things, and there was a stall that had so many nice things, so I stopped to look. But the man behind the counter was so cranky! I kept thinking that maybe he was so cranky because he was tired, so I told him that he needed a nap. But then he got all mad at me, and he started yelling and screaming about how evil sleep was! He was so mad that he spit whenever he'd yell! And people started staring at him all funny... Since he was yelling so much, I got scared, and I was going to run away... But he grabbed me by the neck. By the _neck. _Just because I told him he needed a nap! I thought he would kill me or something, but one of the shoppers ran over and pried his hands loose. Then the man just stared at me all funny, almost like he was scared...But that couldn't be it, I'm not scary! He covered up his face and backed up, and dropped to the ground, then he curled up into a ball and made a funny sound, and then he was all quiet... I don't know how or why, but... When everyone went over and pulled him into a sitting position... He didn't have any eyes anymore, and he had so much blood on him, especially his hands...That's all I saw before that nice man carried me to the church. I thought that maybe he'd hurt me, and it was my blood all over him, but I'm not hurt at all, just a few bruises. I'm still shaking a lot, so I'm sorry if my handwriting is messy. I don't think I'll go outside for a while._

_Your best friend ever!_  
_Feliciano_

It was the 5th time Ludwig had read the letter. He almost started to read it again, but stopped himself. He just sat staring at the note his friend had written, eyes wide. He felt as if his heart had stopped beating, and he couldn't breathe... What was going on? For almost the entire week after his birthday, Ludwig had overheard some of the other residents of the church telling stories eerily similar to the one Feliciano had written about. The number of such stories seemed to grow daily, as did the number of bodies brought to the church for burial or cremation... Just what was happening? Was everyone going mad? Ludwig's panic intensified at the thought. Would he go crazy as well...? What about Feliciano? Or... Or Gilbert. But maybe Gilbert would know something about it... Ludwig glanced at the letter once more before stuffing it in the usual hiding place. He would reply later. He didn't think his hands were steady enough for writing...

For once, he actually wanted his brother to visit him. He needed some form of comfort, _any _comfort... He needed to hear someone say that everything would be okay. He stood from the bed and walked to the door on shaky legs, unlatching the lock and stepping into the hall. He had to find his brother. Even if he had to go down into the basement, he had to find him. He watched his feet as he shuffled along, but he wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings anyways. He almost jumped out of his skin when he bumped into someone. Stumbling a bit, he used the wall to steady himself and looked up at the person he'd collided with. His brother. _Speak of "the Devil"... _His mind joked wryly. But he couldn't laugh, not under the circumstances... His brother looked emotionless, like usual, but he still had that very slight look of worry about him.

"Why are you out of your room? You don't have to work today, you shouldn't be out..." Gilbert sounded angry, and Ludwig flinched when his brother narrowed his eyes.

Ludwig took a small step back. "I-I was just looking f-"

Gilbert interrupted Ludwig with a sharp slap to the face. "I was just on my way to see you." He deadpanned. "You've been talking back often these past few months... Your room, Ludwig." Gilbert mumbled, pointing in the direction Ludwig had just came from and glaring at the younger slightly.

The shock of being slapped passed quickly enough for Ludwig, and he quickly turned and headed back to his room, not bothering to reply. His brother was right. That hadn't been the first time he'd been slapped in a while. He quickly walked into the small room and sat on the bed, staring at the floor. Gilbert came in behind Ludwig and closed the door, then stood in the center of the room.

It took Ludwig a few moments to find his voice. "Brother... What's going on? I've heard people talking about... About..."

"Talking about people acting violently." Gilbert finished for him with a nod. "I thought you'd be wondering. You've always asked a lot of questions." He added with a slight sneer.

Ludwig flinched as if he'd been slapped a second time, then looked at his older brother. "So... You know about it?"

Gilbert nodded. "Epicari."

Ludwig blinked in confusion. "Ah... What?"

Gilbert rolled his eyes and repeated himself. "Epicari. It's a biological weapon manufactured by this country's enemy that they weren't supposed to use." He ground out, gritting his teeth slightly.

Ludwig held his tongue. His brother seemed very upset... Asking more questions would most likely be a bad idea.

The pale man stared at him for a few moments, then sighed lightly. "If you really want to know... It's a virus. It makes people act strange, and then they kill themselves." He said with a shrug. "After they die, they turn purple and emit a gas that spreads the virus. That's all I know."

Ludwig nodded to signal that he'd heard, but he still kept his mouth shut. It was pointless to ask questions that his brother didn't know the answer to. Plus, his brother seemed very bitter about it... Perhaps he should just drop it then? But Gilbert continued.

"I can't stay long. I just thought I'd see you before I had to go talk to that priest. The corpses of the infected need to be burnt immediately. There's no room for all of his ceremony concerning this, I have to make him see that, or everyone here is going to end up just like everyone in the town will end up eventually." It was said dully, without emotion, as if he were speaking of a rat problem that needed taking care of, rather than genocide.

Ludwig was finally about to reply, but his brother was gone when he looked up from the floor. The boy sat there on the bed for a long while, staring at the door. Burning bodies...? A little over a week before everything had been perfectly fine... And now... Ludwig felt his eyes tear up slightly and he flopped over onto his bed, pulling his knees to his chest. He would sleep, yes... And when he woke up, it would all be gone. The letter, the talk of violence and biological warfare... It was all just a bad dream, he just had to wake up... So Ludwig kept telling himself for the next few hours, until he finally dozed off, temporarily escaping his waking nightmare.

* * *

The smell was terrible... That was Ludwig's first thought. He had to pass through the large, main room of the church to reach the stables, the same room in which the bodies of the Epicari victims were being gathered for burning. He had almost completely forgotten his brother's words concerning the virus, so he was a bit surprised when a man stopped him at the chapel entrance and handed him a small cotton mask. "You can't go in here unless you're wearing this." The man said. His voice was familiar to Ludwig, and as he stood there staring at the man, he realized that it was friar Kiku who was speaking to him. He stopped himself before he asked any stupid questions and simply took the mask from the short man.

The friar's eyes were sad, Ludwig noted as he snapped absentmindedly at the elastic bands of the mask he held. "Thank you very much."

Kiku smiled the slightest bit. "Do not thank me. We can not have you getting sick, can we?"

Ludwig smiled at the man, then put the mask on, snapping the bands securely behind his ears. With a nod, the friar walked back into the large room. Ludwig stood for a moment, staring at the floor. He would rather turn back and climb through a window to reach the stables rather than walk through the room... But none of the windows opened, and even if they did, the place was now being heavily guarded. The usual rout was the only option. Adjusting his mask to fit more snugly over his small face, Ludwig looked up and stepped into the room slowly.

No amount of mental imagery would have prepared him for the sight. The pews were lined with people, and not one of them moved. The virus didn't seem to be very picky either... There were no limits to the ages, sexes, and races of the bodies lying motionless on the wooden pews. Here was an elderly couple, holding hands, both with gunshot wounds standing out strikingly on their pale foreheads... There, a young mother, her purple skin a shocking contrast to the pallid face of the infant she cradled to her chest... A boy barely older than Ludwig himself, an entire family, a beautiful woman... Some were simply dead, some had terrible bodily wounds, some looked as if they had been shot... Ludwig couldn't tear his eyes away from the grisly sight. He stood, unblinking, his mind blank and unable to comprehend the sheer number of bodies lined up on the pews.

"Terrible, isn't it?"

Ludwig started and gasped audibly as he felt a hand rest on his shoulder, and heard a voice break the silence. Father Toris stood just to his right, staring just as Ludwig had at the lifeless bodies. Something about him scared Ludwig a little... He looked very angry. Perhaps it was just that the mask covering his face hid his usual kind smile. Ludwig took small comfort in that though as he nodded his agreement to the priest. "I-it is, Father..."

"It's only going to get worse..." Toris sighed and shook his head. "There are... not as many casualties from this as you think. This is all of them. They have been gathered here while we decide what to do with them."

Ludwig winced as he felt Toris' grip on his shoulder tighten. "What do you mean? Shouldn't these people be entombed with the others, or buried...?"

"The disease would spread." The priest mumbled, pointing at one of the purple corpses. "See the color? This one is emitting a gas into the air that will spread the virus... Or so says your brother. I'm not so sure. I've not been shown proof of it."

"My brother? You've talked to him? Where is he?" Ludwig asked. He'd been worried about his brother for a while.

"I don't know. And I don't care. Whenever he's here, he argues that we must burn these... These _people_..." Toris shook his head again. "It's not right... They're not objects to be disposed of, they're still people."

"Burn them...?" Ludwig remembered his brother telling him something along those lines.

"Yes." Toris let out a humorless chuckle. "Without any ceremony at all. And if I don't agree, I am to be shot... It's... It's inhuman. I can't allow these people to be disposed of like used and crumpled up paper, but... If I die... Where does that leave everyone here who still lives...? I don't like this plan of your brother's, he shouldn't have brought them here in the first place, but I think that..." Toris paused, a defeated look crossing his face briefly before being replaced once again by anger. "My duty to the living far outweighs my duty to the dead. You tell your 'brother' that if you see him. I will tell him myself when he comes here next." The priest's eyes narrowed to slits and he stormed off, as if angry at both Gilbert and Ludwig.

Ludwig once again cast his eyes to the floor, unable to help feeling a little guilty. He turned and left the makeshift morgue as fast as his feet would carry him without running.

* * *

Not long after that, the decision had been made to proceed with burning the bodies to prevent further spread of the virus. The decision, thankfully, left the chapel mostly corpse-free, as any and all bodies brought in were swiftly burnt. But still, the number of bodies arriving at the chapel on a daily basis increased dramatically every day... Ludwig soon grew used to the sight of bodies being carried past him on his way to the stables, the less frequent visits from his brother, and the constant smell of burning human flesh that now stuck to the air like a morbid perfume. The little voice in his mind told him that it was all necessary, that it was for the good of those still alive... But then again... He had never seen a living victim of the virus before.

Once again, just like any other day, he made his way through the chapel on his way to the stables. But this time, things went differently than usual. He only made it a little over halfway across the large room when a loud banging sound resounded through the chapel, causing him and everyone else in the room to stop and look to the source of the noise.

The sound was coming from the large door at the far end of the chapel. It sounded as if someone were kicking or pounding on the other side. Though it was quite a large door, it opened with only a little push once you turned the doorknob, and it didn't lock. Everyone knew that, even the people from town. So it was somewhat confusing as to why someone would need to knock, especially so forcefully. So was the thought process of the people standing in the chapel as they stood staring at the door in confusion.

A few loud pounds later, and the door flew open to reveal a tall man. His height was well above average, his hair seemed to stick out in all directions simultaneously, and his eyes were narrowed in apparent fury. Ludwig recognized him as the man who had interrupted his time with Gilbert on his birthday... Matthias. The usually cheerful mercenary looked absolutely livid. His yellow hair was more unruly than usual, and deep red circles stood out against bloodshot blue eyes. One by one, the large room's occupants took a step or two backwards, their eyes widening in shock once they caught sight of the blood that ran from either side of Matthias' head where the ribbons of flesh and cartilage that used to be ears hung like ribbons. In his shocked state, Ludwig wondered if the damage to Matthias' ears had been done by the man's bare hands, or by the bloody knife he gripped tightly in his right hand.

Matthias pointed in the general direction of the people in the room and hissed. "Sh-shut _up_... Shut up! All of you! Do you hear me!"

Ludwig flinched at the sudden change in volume. Yes, they heard him. Everyone else in the building most likely did as well. With his ears missing, Matthias probably didn't realize just how loud he was shouting. A few people bolted from the room then, and Matthias' voice raised to almost a screech. "Get back here _now_!" Of course, the ones who'd escaped weren't about to listen to him.

Matthias was now breathing heavily as he held the knife up once more, his eyes darting around the room. The knife shook in his hands under the white-knuckled grip he had on it. "D-dear God... I... I can _hear_ it... _All of it_..." He let out a small whimper and backed towards the wall quickly, mumbling to himself. "I can _still_ hear it... Th-the pounding, it's... You!" He pointed the knife towards Ludwig, who let out a small gasp and froze. Matthias moved to point the knife at each person in turn and began to laugh humorlessly. "And you... And you. You. _You_, too! Ah!" He was laughing and crying now. "I stopped Ber's heart, I stopped Lukas' heart... Tch! God, was Lukas _noisy_! Heh!" He collapsed back against the wall and slid to the floor, his voice lowering considerably. He tapped the tattered remains of his right ear with the knife and smiled sadly. "Th-these are gone, but it's _so loud_... Your hearts... All of you are so loud, but... I can't kill _all_ of you. Gil would be _so_ mad at me! But you know who I can hear the _loudest_...? Hm?" He tapped the point of the knife to his chest, just over his heart. "This one... Haha! I can't take this _bullshit _anymore! My head'll explode!" He moved the tip of the knife square against his chest and grinned. "If you guys will excuse me, I need some peace and quiet now..."

Just as the very tip of the sharp knife slid into Matthias' skin, Ludwig felt himself encircled by strong arms, being pulled. He welcomed the soft fabric of the clothes his rescuer wore, and gladly buried his face into it, hiding from the violent sight. But he couldn't hide from the sound. Ludwig swore that he could hear the rip and tear of flesh, the knife grating harshly against the bone, and the choked gasp that was Matthias' dying breath. The sounds seemed to grow more quiet... Was he being carried? He blinked dazedly up as the one who had carried him set Ludwig on his feet in the hall. His brother, of course.

"Stay here. _Do not move, Ludwig_." His brother returned to the chapel.

Ludwig stood there, his mind blank but for the instant replay in his head of what had just happened. He stood just where his brother had put him, not moving an inch. He vaguely registered the voices of his brother and the priest coming from the chapel. Toris was telling his brother what had happened. He sounded even more shaken than Ludwig felt, if that was possible. When the priest was finished, Gilbert spoke flatly. "He killed Berwald and Lukas. I found them. Lukas was still alive, barely. He said that Matthias told him that his 'heart was too loud'." There was a pause, followed by a sickening noise, then Gilbert spoke once more. "It may have been Epicari. Burn him. Now."

Ludwig heard the footsteps of his brother approaching and snapped out of his daze to meet Gilbert's blank stare. His mind was screaming at him to ask questions, but his mouth didn't seem to be working. Gilbert grabbed his hand and led him back to his room. He pushed Ludwig inside none too gently. "Stay here. Lock the door. I'll come for you after this is taken care of."

Ludwig nodded and Gilbert closed the door and left. Ludwig shuffled over to the thick door numbly and turned the lock, then sunk down onto his bed to stare dully at the sheets in shock.

* * *

Gilbert never returned to the bedroom that day. After what seemed to be only minutes, but were actually hours, Ludwig looked up from the mattress to the door. The horses. He didn't have the chance to feed them before Matthias had... They were most likely very hungry. His brother had probably gotten distracted with something while he was gone. So it must be okay to leave the room. He stood and unlocked the door, then stepped into the hall.

After making sure there was nobody else around, he closed the door behind him and began walking. He stopped at the entrance to the chapel and stared at the large room with a slight sense of dread. He didn't want to go in there... But he had to. As he stood, gathering his courage, he saw movement inside. There were three men making their way across the room, each wearing a protective suit and carrying a body. Ludwig felt like crying. He didn't know why... He'd never had any reaction to the corpses brought to the chapel besides shock or revulsion. But that was before he had seen Matthias... Someone he knew, sort of. Maybe that was what it was. Before, the corpses had seemed more like objects to him, lifeless and anonymous faces that couldn't have possibly had lives and family of their own. But Matthias... He had killed his two brothers, killed himself... It all seemed much more real and terrifying than it had the day before. Those weren't objects being carried out to be burnt, they were _people_.

Ludwig waited until the men had left before walking across the chapel to the other side. The speed of the new thoughts racing through his mind was much faster than the speed at which his feet carried him to the stables, but the thoughts came to a stop when he noticed a small piece of paper wedged between the stable door and the wall. He picked it up and read it.

_Dear Ludwig,_

_Don't worry! I heard what happened, and I fed the horses for you! You must be really upset. You can tell me all about it when you write me back, if you want, okay? You can talk to me. That's what friends are for!_

_Your friend,_  
_Feliciano_

Ludwig's mouth twitched into the slightest smile. Feliciano's constant happiness was contagious, even under the darkest of circumstances. He retrieved Feliciano's letter from the stack of hay, stuffed the note and letter into his shirt, then retraced his steps back the way he'd came. He paused halfway across the chapel and stared at the stained glass windows that reached floor to ceiling. Only one month ago, those windows were lit by the light of the moon... Now they glowed orange, the light of the fire just outside seeping into the room like poison.

Without thinking, Ludwig walked over to the small door that lead out to the back and pushed it open, stepping out into the light cast by the fire. A few men wearing the protective suits turned to him and stared as he walked towards the fire. A few of them told him that he wasn't allowed to be out there, a few told him to turn back, but not one of them moved to stop him out of fear for what Gilbert would do to anyone who put a hand on his little pet Ludwig. Ludwig ignored the halfhearted warnings and nervous glances as he stepped close enough to the giant funeral pyre to feel the heat from it burn his skin slightly.

He stood, staring at the fire. Was he looking for the bodies that lie somewhere under the flames? He didn't know. But he did know that there were people in there. People with no one to care about their passing... People who didn't ask to be sick, who didn't want to do the terrible things they did... People who were being burned like trash. Someone had to care, right?

Ludwig sunk down to his knees and, to the surprise of the people watching, folded his hands in front of him and bowed his head, offering up condolences for the people that everyone else had seemed to stop caring about.


End file.
